what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.

boysboysboys. the subject we cannot elimiate as much as we want to. Now that im currently taking relational communications, I feel as though I am a relationship expert and i have all the answers to your questions. However, I am guilty for not practicing what I preach. Relationships is just like politics, makes no sense but nevertheless, still happening in this world.

I want to touch on a particular subject this evening. this a bit controversial, contradicting, confusing- and all the complex C words you can fit in here. Moving on. why that topic right? ah my friends, I seem to have alot of people in my life (including me) who confuses over the meaning of moving on.

What exactly IS moving on... ?

Its so easy to mention just move on. How do you exactly move on? I mean, do we just forget about our exes and pretended they never existed? or do we run and play in traffic, get ourselves into a coma then wake up not remembering anything (thats the best way, but not a good recommendation) ok ill cut the chase short. Do we ever move on? Is it even possible to move on?

Here's a definition for you: moving on is not forgetting about the person, its simply putting the person aside and focusing on other things/people. because you can never forget someone. ever.

Here's a scenario for you. You crash this awesome party right, meet all these random gorgeous men, play little beerpong/twister/spin the bottle when you're mind and body are completely intoxicated. do the nasty (whatever your definition is) and think omg you are having the best night of your life, why would you ever need [insert ex/crush/johnny depp] when you have all these other boys right?

my ladies, this wonderful slutty sensation only lasts a while, depending on how wasted you are.

Towards the end of the night, when you're drained, adrenaline rush has died down, feet hurt and minds busting, ...basically when you suddenly have this crazy moodswing and become emo, and reality gets back into your system, you know what happens. its an ultimately shitty feeling thats unexplainable.

this is research, my friends. not on fucking ebsco host, but real life research. so, if you feel this way, you're not the only one i assure you.

but you know what? sometimes we'd rather do this than face reality. reality is brutal and painful. but we come out stronger, dont we? stronger to face harder obstacles maybe?

sometimes we dont get what we want.

thats not true. the truth is

sometimes we refuse to get what we want because once we get it, we dont want it.

I SPEAK FOR YOU

Someone said the hardest thing to do is watch someone you love, love someone else.

and i agree completely.

You remember the times when you were always the one getting all the attention, and when your little brother/sister came in the way, all the attention just diverted to them? Or even when you were the only niece/nephew--grandson/granddaughter and some baby just HAD to come along making you not the ONLY special one in the family? and you felt no longer loved? and somehow replaced?

yeah. the feeling is almost similar. only this one's a thousand times harder to live with. It almost feels like someone stabbing you right in the heart, and you just stand there letting them do it.

Honestly, I can totally speak from experience about the baby-out-of-nowhere-stealing-my-spotlight issue; i think everyone else can relate to that as well. but literally talking about relationships, and seeing someone you love, love someone else. I have heard about that from so many friends, and felt it in my heart. and thankfully i have never experienced excrutiating pain like this because its murder to the mind and if i had anymore in my head, it would probably burst.

So, i speak for you, ladies. Its so sick to see, and feels like your heart is about to fall out of your mouth. and you cant help but to wonder if "they" are happy together.

but the question is, how can you love someone who doesn't love you back?

how can you think about the person when the person doesnt think of you?

or the worst

how can you stay in love with someone who doesnt know that you are in love with him?

yes, you can. unfortunately. somehow. weirdly. unexplainably.

"it sorta just happens and the feeling doesn't go away..."

What she chased won't set her free

She threw away the soda can she had, and pulled out a metal shot bottle from her oversized balenciaga bag. She barely looked his way knowing his approval no longer matters. It was the first time they took a walk together since 2 years. He could see the pain in her eyes, somehow her eyes told him everything about her, like they did before. He missed her really bad, and he wanted to tell her how badly she meant to him but his words were stuck in his throat. She has changed so much. She unscrewed the cap and took a couple gulps before throwing it back into her bag. She swiftly turned her head in his direction, with her uneven wispy bangs covering half her sweaty face. The alcohol was really getting to her.

" I really missed you, you know" she said.

He felt it in his heart again. That feeling of old times. He missed her more that his heart could take. He missed her more than anything. but, he couldn't stand watching her fall apart right infront of his eyes. He wanted to be there for her. He couldn't believe it because just two years ago, she had saved him during his hardest times.

She had this carefree aura to her. Not the happy carefree one she used to have. This was slightly different. She was carefree in the most harmful way. She was slowly destroying her mind and body with the things she did. She suddenly seem frustrated while looking through her bag. She might have lost something, he thought. The wind was blowing a cool breeze in their direction. There was something so peaceful about the beach but his heart was still pounding from confusion and hurt. She grabbed her bag and shook it upside down until everything fell on the sand. There was a relieved look on her face as she kneeled down and picked up her lighter. After dumping all her belongings into her bag, she stood up and lit her cig. Turning to his direction again, she said " Want one?"

"No, i..i kinda dont do that anymore" he said, avoiding eye contact.

Her eyes widened before she looked away to release the smoke in the other direction.

"oh.. well things must have really changed around here huh?" she said while kicking the sand

"Ya.yeah alot did. infact, i go to church now. i stopped the drinking and smoking actually...after i met my girlfriend"

She dropped her half lit cig to the sand upon hearing those words come out of his mouth. It felt like her heart stopped beating and wouldn't start. She shot him the look, while trying to control her tears from welling up.

"im happy for you." she whispered

He saw the look in her eyes again. Her eyes told him the whole story. She was badly hurt. and he hated to be one of the reasons why she was. He wanted her to recover from her bad lifestyle. He wanted her to be happy more than anything.
She took a deep breath while letting everything sink in slowly. Reality was the most painful thing she's ever experienced. Her heart was crying so loud but she managed to keep a straight face on. Infact, she was excellent at hiding her emotions. and he was excellent at reading her emotions.

She needed another shot of alcohol to keep her sane. The thought of him being with someone else was unbearable. and no one would ever understand her because theres no one in the world like him. She just had to do one thing.

"hey. would you mind holding my hand?" she asked, hoping for a positive answer.

He took her hand and gripped it tightly. She shut her eyes and turned away. Her tears were flowing uncontrollably. Major thoughts and memories flashing back to her mind and her hands started to shake. She wished this would never end. She prayed this would never end. This was the first time she ever prayed for something since two years. She let go of his tight grip and wiped away her tears. Breathing hard and still feeling shaky, she managed to pull out her hairtie from her wrist and pull her bangs back to tie her hair up. She told him she had to go and started running up to the road. She didn't know where she was running to, but stopping wasn't an option.

She could hear his voice in the background, an echo of his voice calling out her name. It sounded unclear, maybe it was the alcohol messing with her head. She felt weak and sat on a bench by the road. The sky had already darkened and her vision was bailing out on her. She held her bag tightly to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut.

and just wondered.

wondered what would have happened if they had kissed.

Of all the hearts in the world, you just had to steal mine

as quoted by: Saran

Saran is being very emo these days but that okay. Im sure its the uni stress thats kicking in, and messing up her head. but i believe her because you have NO idea what universities put you through. sometimes, you're even lucky to have survived the semester. lucky. yeah. im about to join her club in 3 weeks. ugh

anyway today's topic is....... stealing hearts! its not something i like to write about, unless its me of course [: I LOVE STEALING HEARTS! not.

ladies and guys too we need to find the perfect way to lock up our hearts and swallow the keys. dont hide your keys under the doormat, its not safe! neither is hiding them in flowerpots. what we need is a safe. with a super complicated combination password, that only we know. and if people want to steal our hearts, we can watch them try and kill themselves while finding a way to get to the keys. and if they are worthy enough, they will eventually find out the password and unlock our hearts with this golden sparkling key with lots of bling on it (think rap video bling).

and then we all live happily ever after right? WRONG!

remember to get the key back from him!! hello its bling! well thats not the ONLY reason....

sometimes relationships come to an end. and in order to move on, you will need your key back so you lock your heart up and lock the key up in a safe and proceed with life. if you're one of those people stuck eating icecream and hershey bars in the wee hours of the day, and crying every two seconds, you need to get your key back darling.

so find that loser, get the key, proceed with a beautiful closure and live life!!

OR

if you wish to wait, retail theraphy helps. ALOT.

but i have to warn you, you will be extremely broke.

no money, no bling key, this is a disaster!

and i promise you your levis will be tighter


at the rate you're downing the cookiesn'cream

What's on your mind?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a start of my 'story blog' I will post stories here about anything/everything i feel like, experiences, past, things i've heard of, things/people that make me want to gag, feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc. It can range from the most cliched posts ever to something that has NEVER crossed your minds. This blog was created to spew down thoughts that are going through my mind at the speed of light.

Drunken thoughts should be interesting. Dont just think alcohol, you addicts. You can get drunk on anything. For the past week, ive been drunk on chocolate melt brownies which were tres delicious! oh, and also a couple alcoholic beverages- you cannot be in vegas for a week and stay sober.

yeah so . feel free to drop ideas or whatever. i may just post about them. current issues, global issues, fashion issues, school issues, relationship issues, id LOVE to give you my opinion. nothing on politics please, cause i couldnt be bothered to write about people who make no difference.

later.